Hunting: It is an age-old dance. It is a sacred covenant between the predator and the prey … and the guy bristling with a half-dozen giant cannons and sporting only the most advanced cloaking technology. Sure, it’s not “fair” to the animal, and sure there’s no “sport” in it, and sure it makes you “kind of a dick,” but answer us this: If deer like living so much, why didn’t they invent high explosives, huh? If that logic made sense, well then, buddy, have we got some stupidly overpowered hunting gadgets for you:
.577 Tyrannosaur Rounds
The .577 Tyrannosaur round is, well, let’s just say they don’t name something “the T-Rex” because of its subtly engineered grace:
It’s a bullet so large that you can’t actually use it. Here’s a clip of people trying to fire it:
About the fifth time a loaded rifle goes hurtling out of a man’s hands and careening around a roomful of people, you get the feeling this might not be entirely safe.
But hey, it’s still a fine weapon: After all, the problem isn’t that it doesn’t kill what you’re shooting at, just that it quite possibly kills you and all of your friends in the process. It’s kind of the same process as a honeybee leaving its stinger — just replace the stinger with high explosives and the honeybee with four drunken idiots.
The round was originally designed to stop the headlong charges of big game, but we’ll let this review speak to its effectiveness there: “It is not at all clear that [the T-Rex Round] will kill an elephant or a buffalo or a hippo any better than a well placed hit from a 470, and, of course, it will not do anything with a badly placed hit except annoy the recipient.”
So basically, the Tyrannosaur round is only for dipshits who need to overcompensate for something more than they need working arms to shield their faces from angry bears, or else it’s for expert hunters who have become so jaded by their excessive prowess that they feel the need to handicap themselves. Possibly literally.